These are from a book called ‘Disorder in the Courts’ and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true
that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ. Click to continue »

I’m utterly exhausted right now. My day has been… long, interesting, discouraging, somewhat frustrating, and just plain tiring. I got up around 8:00 a.m. to grab a shower and breakfast before being picked up at 8:55 a.m. by Dr. Kapic. I dropped Jonathan and Margot off at school with him, and then he dropped me off at his house to start yet another painting project.

I’ve been doing odd painting jobs for him throughout my time at Covenant. I painted their outside car port, an inside entry way and door, all the baseboards on the first and second floor (that was so boring), and a number of other touch-ups here and there. Today, I started my next project — an old window outside. I say “window,” and no doubt you’re thinking, “It’s a window. How hard can that be?” Well this is an old window… and it is a window with 30 (yes, thirty.. I counted) small panes of glass in it. It had been primered about a year ago but never painted. It was chipping and peeling all over the place, and the old caulking (essentially cement) was still there from the original installation.

I surveyed the project — not a big deal. It would take me a day to prepare the wood — remove the old caulking, chip off the old paint, sand it, and put new caulking around the 30 window panes. Then it might take me an additional two days to prime the wood and put two coats of gloss paint on it. Not a big deal.

I got out there this morning around 9:15 a.m. I grabbed a knife and a scraper to start removing the old caulking. I started with the first window pane… Click to continue »

Here’s a picture of that dumb squirrel I was talking about earlier… the one who was naive enough to run after an empty nut shell. That’s like me chasing after an empty snicker’s wrapper? Who does that?

I hate shots with a passion. I can take them, and I’m not going to kick my doctor in the face if he has to give me one… but I loathe them. Even the idea of a needle makes me shudder every time.

My mom finally took me to our family doctor this morning. We waited an hour in the waiting room, and then they finally took us inside, told me to stand on a scale to weigh me (they could have just asked me… whatever), and then told us to wait in another waiting room… great.

We finally saw the doctor an hour and a half later. He asked me all the usual questions, took my diagnosis, took my blood pressure, my temperature, checked my lungs, put that thing down my ears and up my nose, and finally gave me the speal. Since being sick, I’ve had an unresolved infection in my sinuses as well as on my vocal chords. He said he would put me on steroids to take away the inflammation, and then give me an “antiobiotic on steroids” (as he put it) to kill the infection. He paused for a second after telling me and then asked, “How do you do with shots?” Click to continue »

Friends, Romans, and family members… lend me your laughter.
In light of today’s events, I decided to write a humerous story to make everything that happened all a little more light-hearted… I hope you will all enjoy.

It all started with me hallucinating around 3:43 a.m. I dreamed I heard my roommate jump out of bed and shout, “I don’t know what it is, but we got to get out of here!” There was beeping in my dream… it was kind of far off in the distance. It gradually got louder and louder. Then I dreamed the bright florescent lights in my room got flipped on. Then around 3:45 a.m. I woke up to my roommates jumping out of bed. I came to, and realized I wasn’t dreaming… and the beeping was the fire alarm for the THIRD time this semester. We were hustled out of the building up to the chapel. I wanted to grab my gold fish and put them in a plastic bag to take them with me but my RA said there wasn’t time… I shed a tear or two.

Click to continue »

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.” Click to continue »