Journaling… and Singleness
I wrote in my journal today… it’s a black, moleskin journal that a good friend gave me for my 17th birthday almost 2 years ago. I only write in it every now and then - i’ve written in it since August 5, 2005 (the day I got it), and i’ve only filled a mere third of the book. But it’s a beautiful feeling being able to write down my thoughts on everything going on… from relationships, friendships, Camp Westminster this summer and being a senior camp counselor, work at Panera, meeting famous people (Rebecca St. James, for example… yeah, i’ll have to tell you about that one sometime :)… you know, anything and everything that runs through my mind.
I mentioned a few days ago that I was reading “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” I know a fair amount of people who would (and have) turn their nose up and laugh when I say that i’m reading it… i’m almost 19, i’m finished my first year of college, i’m heading down the road of getting a degree in business, and the my general manager of Panera Bread said he would make me a manager at Panera if I stayed. What do I have to lose? And why wouldn’t I date right now?
Two words….waiting and preparation.
I’m beginning to realize the gift God has given me for this time of my life is the gift of singleness, while waiting and preparing for my wife someday…. not the wrapping paper called dating that everyone else gets caught up in.
It’s been almost two years since I broke up with the first girl I ever dated. I never really realized it, but one of my good friends from school helped me come to the realization that I’ve just been trying to fill the void in my heart that that relationship left… I’m ashamed but not afraid to say that I’ve messed up numerous friendships with girls over the last two years because I didn’t recognize that that void in my heart could only be filled by God.
Time after time, I became emotionally involved with girls… and piece by piece, I gave my heart away. I never overstepped the bounds or crossed the line of what the world considers “purity,” but I didn’t heed or understand the gift that God was putting in front of my face. I’ve been enjoying the pretty colored wrapping paper all this time, while completely missing the gift that was wrapped inside…
I’m not saying (just like the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” isn’t saying this) that dating is off the list… and gone forever. More and more, i’m just realizing that this time of my life was made for waiting and preparing for the wife God has planned for me someday. Josh Harris described dating as two people standing face to face, looking at each other. He characterized friendship as two people standing side by side, looking at one common goal and purpose. You miss the long term goal when you’re dating… at least I know that I did.
Just a few thoughts, as always. :)
Published on 19 May 2007 at 8:14 am.
1 Comment.
Filed under Real Life Issues, Thoughts.
hmmm….good words, philip. i love what you have learned from your mistakes and using it for the betterment of your future.
keep turning it all back to him, brother!
Olivia on 22 Oct 2007 at 10:59 pm.