Lost Beyond Words
I was trying to think of a phrase or title that would sum up in a nutshell where I am right now. “Lost beyond words” kept coming back to me… and it seemed to encompass every aspect of what I’m going through in life right now.
God has been teaching me, breaking me, and molding me in more ways than one over the last 24 hours, as well as this past weekend. I feel lost for words and thoughts on so many levels (ironic that i’m coming up with the words to write this though, right?).
This past weekend was felt like the longest weekend of the semester. It’s Monday evening, and I am still looking back in amazement at how much has changed - in me, in my plans, and in my walk with God.
A month or two ago, a friend of mine asked me and encouraged me to consider being a camp counselor at Westminster Camp this summer. At the time, I thought about it briefly, and then decided that I wouldn’t be able to afford it. I needed to go home to Franklin and work for the summer to be able to pay for the fall semester when I come back. It would have been fun… but I had other plans.
Friday night, my sister came to me again and asked me to reconsider being a camp counselor again. She asked me what was stopping me… I told her the money. I wouldn’t earn enough from summer camp to be able to pay off my fall semester. She said, “Philip? Every year tuition goes up, and every year the money in my bank goes down. But God has always provided for me, and I have always been able to pay off my school bills. Give this to God and trust that He will provide.”
She left it at that…
I sat down on my bed, while thoughts of summer plans and the next year came rushing to my mind all at once. I started thinking about being a camp counselor at Westminster. I thought about all the positives - what I could give back to all the kids at camp, how I could use this opportunity to serve others, and how I could take the focus off of myself. All the reasons I had for staying home were selfish reasons… earning money for college, spending time with friends, and just living for myself the whole summer. I called my mom and dad, and I told them about it. I asked them what they thought about it, and I asked them to pray for me…
I spent the next two days praying, talking to friends and family, and talking to people who had previously been a camp counselor at Westminster. Everything seemed to be pointing towards Westminster… It was kind of hard to deny the simple fact that God was telling me to be a camp counselor for the summer.
So long story short, God has been changing me and my plans in more ways than one. I’m not really sure where He is leading me… all the plans I had for summer have been turned around; and in more ways than one, I am learning to surrender everything to God. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes me a while to learn. I’ve been learning the hard and long way recently.
I could keep writing about a handful of other things that God has been breaking me in… relationships, friendships, family, school. All in all, I feel lost for words with where God is leading me.
I heard one person say one time that the more broken and cracked we are, the more light can shine in and through us. That is a beautiful picture… God breaks us, but only so that more of Him can shine in and through us. Don’t forget that…
Published on 23 Apr 2007 at 5:44 pm.
3 Comments.
Filed under Real Life Issues, Thoughts.
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” -Corrie Ten Boom
…prayin for ya, man.
Jess G. on 23 Apr 2007 at 5:52 pm.
being broken is hard and realizing you need to walk away form different things in life are hard……
but praise god it is all in his hands…
Olivia on 23 Apr 2007 at 6:14 pm.
hey philip - - -
thank you so much for this post. i really enjoyed the imagery you left us with at the end!
Jill on 24 Apr 2007 at 10:45 am.