Different Presuppositions
One of my close friends talked to me the other night about his struggle with a family member. He was saying that Rachel (for the sake of calling her a name, though I won’t use her real name) was once a Christian who believed in the power of prayer, went to church with her family, and believed in the saving grace of God. But the last few months and years has completely turned away from what she was thought to be truth. She has thrown out her belief in Christ, her relationships with her family, and turned to drugs, alcohol and relationships that don’t satisfy. Her presuppositions and beliefs have changed… what she views and holds to be truth have changed.
I was talking with my close friend about it last night… He said it was a struggle. He still loves and cares for Rachel. But how does he go about talking to her and telling her that what she is living and trusting in and believing in is all a lie? How does he tell her that what she is doing is wrong? According to our presuppositions and our beliefs, we know that drinking and doing drugs are wrong. God talks about that in His word. Our bodies are temples of Him, and we have the responsibility to care for them.
I Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
But how do you try to explain and tell that to someone who doesn’t believe that drinking and getting drunk is wrong? How do you tell that to someone who doesn’t believe that sleeping around is Biblically wrong? I don’t have the answers… I just know that is a very real struggle for me, as well as for many of my friends who have non-Christian friends who they deeply care about and love. I encouraged my friend to continue to love and care for Rachel as he was and still is doing… as well as to commit her to prayer and to God’s hands.
But I would like to know what you think. What advice would you have for someone in this situation? How do you go about handling a friendship like this?
Published on 22 Jan 2007 at 8:05 am.
9 Comments.
Filed under Real Life Issues.
philip, i have several friends who drink, do drugs, sleep around, etc. 3 have actually died this past semester from doing drugs and drinking. ….
Its not so much as to what i say to them but more what i don’t. They know what i believe by how i react/act to people….what i say and what i dont. they know what i hold to be true because they know me. Simply living your life, loving on hem unrelentlessly, it all they want. They don’t want someone telling them what they are doing is wrong. actually, a lot of the times you dont even have to say anything and just you being you is convicting enough.
i hope that makes sense….if not we can always go grab coffee and i can try to explain it better without having to type it out.
be encouraged, friend
Olivia on 22 Jan 2007 at 10:48 am.
First, nothing wrong with the occasional drink. Drukenness is a sin however.
Second, don’t tell her she is wrong. It won’t work. Your frined needs to love her, care for her, be a shoulder to cry on. He will probably feel used or useless but will be more effective in the long run.
I’m speaking from experience. No argument will change the poor girl. Friendship will.
Stay friends, but a support but not a person who condemns. Don’t accept the sin or condone it, don’t participate in it. Do support and encourage, provide assitance when asked, and be meek and humble.
This is a much more effective witness that waht you are suggesting.
Otter on 22 Jan 2007 at 12:55 pm.
deep down… they already know that what they’re doing is wrong. I believe Olivia’s right… the witness of your life being lived out before them is a rebuke in and of itself. Be honest if they ask your opinion… just be real. I’ve found that questions work well too. Getting them to think about what they’re doing… why they’re doing it… the consquences of their actions, etc. Be available.
Jess G. on 22 Jan 2007 at 4:59 pm.
i had a friend that turned down that path about four years ago. Every now and again she would call me up around 12-1am in the morning drunk. In one case I had to go pick her up from a location, because she was completely intoxicated and no one she knew was there to give her a ride home. I struggled talking with her about what she was doing for about a year. i finally began to question her actions openly to her. “why are you drinking? what good did that night bring? how did you feel about doing the drugs? was it worth it to get a hang over? what are you doing with your life? etc.” However, i presented the questions with a kind and caring heart, never did i place myself above her or judge her for what she was doing or what she had already done. All i did was love her and was always there for her, when others were not. Through constant prayer and constant pursuit of her over 3years she finally came to re-establish her relationship with the Lord. Tell your friend not to give up on his friend. Tell him to always pray for her, always be there for her and never judge her.
alamo on 22 Jan 2007 at 8:40 pm.
The post and the comments are an encouragement to me, as I find myself in this exact position. My love for my cousin will never change. She knows how I feel about her actions. I will always be there for her though. I can’t shuve the gospel down her throat. Only God can change her heart. It is a matter of language and presuppositions… nothing too big for God.
Rosencrantz on 24 Jan 2007 at 1:42 pm.
I obviously dont know “Rachel” but there are many in this world on the same path. You mention that she was once a Christian or seemed to have Christian beliefs. Well as we know, once you have salvation you can never loose it. We may be taken off course but we are never given up on. We dont earn salvation through works or doing good… that is the result of becoming a Christian and the Holy Spirit working through us. If we had to somehow do enough good things to overlook the bad we would always fail and many people miss the point because of this belief. We are all sinners and theres no amount of good things we can do to correct that. Our goal in life is not to do good things so much but it is to worship the one true God. I think sometimes we forget that we are not here to piled up and then look at all the good or bad things we’ve done but to live for our King.
The most powerful thing is prayer. We can try to change a person so hard but it never seems to work… thats because the Holy Spirit does the changing and not us. We have no power. God uses us in ways we will never thought and sometimes dont know. I think the best thing is to live a Christian life, pray, and be a friend to her.
Proverbs 17:17
A friend is always loyal.
This is short and simple but it is true. We should always seek the best for our friends and stay loyal to them even if they arent loyal to us.
Julie Swann on 26 Jan 2007 at 11:59 pm.
i guess the parabale of the prodigal som in also an encouragement in this situation; nobody told him he was living in a way that wasn’t treating himself or his Creator with the respect deserved but God convicted him in his heart and he came to his own personal realisation that he needed to ask for forgiveness and restore the most important relationships in his life. And the father welcomes him back, not begrudgingly, but with open arms, full of joy. I think that when i have struggled through trying to be there for and praying for friends that turn away from the Father i am in danger of becoming like the Elder son, a bit self-righteous and resentful that the person who has done wrong is given so much attention and lavish celebration on his return. But God doesn’t work in ways we understand. In his own time, he brings each person who will accept his invitation back into his household. As older sons, i suppose we just have to trust that he WILL work out his will, and pray that we would have the Father’s heart for them. And also, to remember that at one time, we were also the prodigal son.
Amy Mulholland on 29 Jan 2007 at 3:22 am.
We just had a HarvestUSA guy speak to our sunday school: he talked about how we relate to people in any sin when their life looks and feels good: whether that is self-sufficiency, sexual brokenness, or anything else. –We pray for PAIN in their lives, so they understand the destruction they are sowing. It is not beyond what they have already gathered for themselves, it is a taste of what is being stored up for them, and might be used by God’s spirit to turn from their sin.
Otherwise I wholeheartedly agree with Otter’s comments, and several of the others.
Ruth on 3 Feb 2007 at 4:25 pm.
to actively pray for pain in anyone’s life seems fairly cruel and unloving to me. to pray for God’s revelation, yes, to pray for a realisation that what they are doing is not the best way to be living, maybe, but to actively pray for someone to experience pain is not in keeping with a God who is the embodiment of self-sacrificial LOVE.
Amy Mulholland on 5 Feb 2007 at 8:19 pm.