What defines successful dating?
So I was just thinking about this… as a student in college, dating (and yes, even marriage) is something that comes up a lot. It’s just that stage of life where people are beginning to think more seriously about getting to know someone on a deeper level. But along with dating someone and getting to know that person comes the realization that that person may not be who God has planned for you. At that point, it’s easy to become hurt and discouraged when a break-up happens. I know I was…
But then someone pointed out to me what dating is all about… and that a successful dating relationship is not defined by whether or not it works out in the end.
So… “What is a successful dating relationship?”
More… “A successful dating relationship is one that recognizes and respects the eternal importance of the other person in purity while discovering and accepting your role in that person’s life.” ~ anonymous
A successful dating relationship isn’t all about whether or not the relationship works out. I dated a girl the beginning of my senior year in high school, but in the end, we decided it wasn’t the best thing. But I don’t see it as a failure …we decided that it wasn’t a good thing. I learned a lot about myself, and I learned that my role in her life was as a friend…. nothing more.
Dating is about getting to know a friend on a deeper level and finding out if there is the potential for more. It’s about respecting the heart of the other person in purity. One thing my parents always used to tell me was that each girl that I meet will someday be the wife of a man that God has planned for her. And I have the responsibility of guarding her heart. Hearing that always put it into perspective for me… my parents would remind me that God has a girl waiting for me someday down the road. Wouldn’t I also want guys to treat her with respect and purity?
Dating isn’t just a cool or popular thing to do… like our culture often treats it as. Dating, essentially, is preparation for marriage. It isn’t something which should be thrown around or taken lightly. And even if a dating relationship doesn’t work out in the end… it isn’t a failure, like I often believed after I broke up with the girl I dated. It is discovering that your purpose in her life wasn’t marriage further on down the road…and that God had other plans for you.
I’m interested to know what people think about this …send me a comment and tell me what you think. I’d be interested to find out.
Published on 7 Dec 2006 at 7:24 pm.
6 Comments.
Filed under Real Life Issues.
I agree, philip. Dating shouldn’t be a casual thing and I don’t think you should date someone because ‘we both like eachother.’ There should be the foundation of a great friendship and if those people feel like God is calling them to know each other on a diferent level then they should progress onto dating….but only if God is at the heart of that friendship will dating ever work….
Olivia on 12 Dec 2006 at 1:08 pm.
Well, Philip, I definitely don’t speak as the voice of experience on the whole dating issue, but what you have written here seems to be consistant with the wisdom that has been passed on to me by more knowledgable friends. Since being at Covenant, God has been teaching me a lot about relationships. Never have I prayed so much in my life. It’s been challenging but wonderful: never have I been so much in love with Christ.
Shayna on 15 Dec 2006 at 11:24 am.
Well, Philip, it seems that you have waxed wise in your youth. I look forward with eager anticipation to seeing a future dating relationship culminate in a God-honoring marriage for you. Love you, Bro! –Wim Codington, ‘04
Wim Codington on 20 Dec 2006 at 6:21 pm.
Yes! This is definitely an encouraging entry, Philip. And it’s just another one of the countless ways to practice the preeminence of Christ in all things…giving the glory to Him alone.
Jeremy Smith on 21 Dec 2006 at 1:05 am.
yeah, someone once said to me that you should only be in a relationship if both members of it are serving the Lord better when they’re in that relationship than when they’re single. i’vw found this extremely helpful. in christ, Amy Mulholland - University of Oxford, England
Amy Mulholland on 22 Dec 2006 at 2:05 pm.
so i don’t go to Covenant–i’m only a junior in highschool all the way over here in California. but i am interested in the school and i recently got an email from Covenant telling me about your blog. well, it sounds to me like your parents are pretty amazing people. they sound like the kind of parents i want to be someday. i don’t date so my parents have never really had to say much on the subject, but one thing my dad did tell me was that you should never marry someone you can live with. you should marry someone you can’t live without. but reading your take on dating is really amazing to me. i have never really looked at it that way before & it totally makes sense. so thank you for your words of wisdom, and for writing them in a way i can understand. so maybe you can answer another question for me? i’ve heard several times that guys and girls shouldn’t pray together, just by themselves, unless you are with your spouse. i was told that it causes them to get too close, not physically, but spiritually. so my question is this: is it possible to be too spiritually close to someone??? and if not, then why would it be a bad thing for guys and girls to pray together?? thanks for any insight you can give me & have already given.
~Colleen
Colleen on 11 Jan 2007 at 6:55 pm.